Sunday, 4 November 2012

Just life.

I'm taking a well-needed break from school to vent know, school.

It seems like once a year since entering the journalism program, I always get into a rut and think pretty negative things about not being cut out enough for this industry.

Third year has been hard, very hard. Taking on an extra course this year, I find myself sleeping for six hours or less every day because of the insane amount of homework I have to do for school.

And no matter how hard I try, it doesn't seem to go as well as I hoped. Just today, I found out that I failed a midterm.  Of course it IS only worth 15 percent of my mark, but it really stings.  I actually feel embarrassed.  Not to mention, extremely stupid.

I know these things happen to the best of us, but it often feels like no matter how hard I try, I'm not going anywhere.  My writing is still sub-par, and not only this, I am still an awkward human being.

There are some really brilliant people in my program and I just want to be on-par with the best of them. This stuff really bothers me and it probably seems sill that I care so much.

I just want to be good, you know?  I don't think I'm making a lot of sense here.

But all I'm saying is, I want to be a good journalist. And right now, it doesn't seem like I'm going anywhere.

I know marks don't mean the world, but I just can't help how much I care about this stuff. When I get a bad mark, it feels like it's a reflection of my work ethic.  Which leads me to think that no one will ever want to hire this person because "she's not cut out enough."

Yes, I did just quote myself.  I'm feeling incredibly down.  I really wish bad marks didn't affect me so much.  Maybe this is a sign that I need a life.