Asian Girl Can't Dance.

Yesterday I watched Billy Elliot: The Musical and I absolutely LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT.

But as much as I enjoyed watching the play and oogling at how cute and little Marcus Pei (the boy who played Billy at the time) was, one thing kept recurring in my mind.

Man! I sure wish I could dance!

What? You might say. "Anyone can dance."

Of course...anyone CAN dance. But to DANCE WELL?  Nope. Sorry. I'm not the girl you're looking for.

Hell,  I can't even pass the Very Easy level on Dance Dance Revolution let alone dance in a decent way.

Let's face it. I'm probably one of the most ungraceful human beings on the planet.

I trip walking UP the stairs. I stumble on uneven grassy fields.  I ROLL my ankle from a simple jogging exercise.

So seeing all the risk that I go through, how can you expect me to do something like dancing?!

Sure, I have rhythm.  I have played music for a good seven years.  But do I use that musicality effectively in my dance moves?  No.  Instead, I'll probably be flailing around with my arms in the air with no sex appeal at all.

Maybe that's why guys rarely (if ever) ask me to dance.

But now that I've covered my lack of dancing ability, I can't help but wonder how dance has evolved (or lack of) through the years.

What I saw yesterday during Billy Elliot, that is what I would call dancing. What I see at the clubs and at school dances...that is what I would call...sex on the dancefloor.

Because seriously, how the hell is that dancing?  When I see my peers grinding up on the dance floor (if you don't know what grinding is just think of two people rubbing against each other really closely), all I can think about is...WOW. MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THAT IN PRIVACY. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT.

But maybe that's just me.  I've never been a big fan of grinding in the first place.  Partly because I'll feel self-conscious doing it (GAWSH AM I DO THIS RIGHT?!) and partly because I don't even think it's dancing! 

What ever happened to those dances from the 70s and 80s?  Haven't you seen that dance sequence from Grease where everyone was doing the Hand Jive?  Why can't we do dances like that anymore? Those dances were simple, choreographed and included everyone.

Today. PFFT. None of that. People like me will have no one to dance with because we can't "grind".

So you know what?  Fine. I don't need a dance partner. I'm just going to flail my arms in the air unstrategically and move my body around unsexily just for the sake of it the next time I go clubbing. 

If you're a "bad dancer" like me, feel free to join.

P.S. If you live under a rock and don't know what the hand jive is..YOU'RE WELCOME.



P.P.S(But seriously...I am willing to offer cookies for anyone who can teach me how to dance...)