Sunday, 6 March 2011

Terrible Things I did as a Terrible Child.

I'd like to think that I was a relatively nice and pleasant child.  I tried to be nice to everyone and I almost always shared my snacks and pencil crayons.

So what's the big deal, right?

See, that's where I was wrong.

These nice gestures weren't enough.

There were some times when I was actually a terrible, dreadful brat.  Now I was never an outright bully, but in efforts to stick with the crowd, I was always a bully in the background.

I moved schools in Grade 3 and  I was the "new kid".  Sure, everyone was nice to me, but there were some times when I was called names such as "stupid", "idiot" and "nerd". Which of course, doesn't make any sense because in order for me to be a "nerd", I wouldn't actually be "stupid" or an "idiot".

But this didn't register inside my Grade Three brain, so therefore, I tried to fit in with the "popular" crowd.

My elementary school was fairly small, but I call these group of girls "popular" because they were the prettiest in our grade and every boy had a crush on them. Wanting to be liked, I befriended them. To this day, I am still friends with these girls, because they're actually not so bad at all, but I am not proud of some of the things we did.

There was this girl, who shall be unnamed, who everyone in our grade decided to hate. I don't understand why, but like every elementary school, we made her the token loser. We called her names, laughed at everything she said, and when we finally did include her into our games, we made her play the undesired roles of "Evil Witch" or "Monster". 

In Grade 4, two other girls and I decided to bury her hat in the snow as a joke.  At the time, we thought it was funny. But when I think about it now, all I can feel is pure guilt.

In Grade Six, the whole class thought it would be funny to call her an orangutan. Now at this point, I started to come to my senses.  I never did call her that, but I remember joining in on the laughter...which isn't any better either way.

But seriously, it was really funny when she told my friends and I that she could control the wind...

From Grades Seven to Eight, nothing really happened, but I kept my distance...the dislike already engraved in me.

 But as I grew older, I realized she wasn't so bad after all.  Sure, I understood why nobody liked her due to some of her eccentricities...but she isn't half bad!  She has good intentions and she was always nice to me.  So why was I so cruel to her?

Why of course, to fit in. 

The times in elementary school can make you do some terrible things. And being able to remember all of this just makes me feel so guilty.  So if you're reading this, all I want to say is:  I'm sorry.  I was a coward for not saying this to you earlier and you probably would like to forget all of these terrible memories that might have scarred you for life.

So again, I'm sorry.

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